I know that many of you are awaiting to hear the results of our first round of fertility treatments, expecting to hear that positive news. Believe me, Taylor and I were even more excited. But at the same time we were anxious and terrified. The excitement that our potential dream of expanding our family would come true has been there before.
Well, the reality of infertility hit us hard this week when we got that negative. It’s hard to describe how it feels –
A heaviness that sits between your heart and your throat
Resentment at the hope that you allowed yourself to have
Sometimes a picture is worth 1000 words
But. This is reality. Just because you are starting fertility treatments doesn’t mean that there is going to be magic, and it’s certainly not easy. We thought trying for 16 cycles on our own was hard – and yes, it is. But this. This is when the hard part starts.
We are incredibly thankful for all of our family, friends, and new friends on this journey with us, and all of your support. I am personally thankful for my husband. Who is the strongest and most compassionate, supportive person that I know. The person who knows what to do to help me when it simply hurts.
Barley doesn’t cuddle often, but he seems to know when I need it
So what next? Well, we wanted to roll into another month of IUI. However, because of holiday office closures we will likely not be allowed to do another round this cycle. I don’t know if I can emotionally handle doing another round of IUI, especially after waiting a month of doing nothing, when I know the chances are so low. This is all a numbers game, and the numbers with IUI are against us. We may end up just taking the month off and then going straight into IVF, but that’s to be determined, and we will have to discuss our concerns with Dr. Dunaway.
Right now this is hard and feels impossible. But it will be okay, and we will bounce back. We have been doing this for so many cycles that although it doesn’t get easier, we know the stages of grief well by now.
I do not wish this one anyone. But one in seven couples WILL faces infertility. To my friends who are going through this journey as well, and those who are going through it silently, you are braver than you think and stronger than you believe. And to those friends who have not had to fight this battle – please be mindful of what you say to others and the questions you ask regarding reproduction and fertility. You never know what they could be going through and what scars they hide in their hearts. They will tell you, good news or bad, when they are ready.