Infertility. I sit here and I stare at that word on the screen, and suddenly all of those emotions swirling around in my head stop me from putting together logical thoughts. How am I supposed to even begin to talk about it? So let’s start at the beginning.
When Taylor and I got married it was always in the plan to “not-not try”, aka pull the goalie, aka start trying to have a family. We thought it would happen right away. We were excited at the thought of having that honeymoon baby, for us it would be a beautiful Disney miracle. Well, as it turned out it didn’t happen that month, or the month following, or even after six months, or after a year.
Our entire lives it is engrained in our brains that, in the wise words of Coach Carr in mean girls, “if you have sex you will get pregnant, and die.”
Okay, maybe not the part about dying, but definitely the concept of “it only takes once”. Keeping that in mind, I felt like a failure after six months of trying with no baby. I know, it had only been six months. But man were we trying (sorry, dad). I plan on writing about some of the tracking that we did, but we tried every wives tale in the book. From vitamins to timing and ovulation tests to hand stands we thought it couldn’t hurt.
Around that six month mark I had a regularly scheduled GYN appointment, where I brought up my concerns. I was terrified that there would be something wrong and we would be unable to conceive. So here I am, crying in the middle of this office wearing nothing but a paper robe (that opens in the front, talk about a fashion statement), and I think that out of pity doc said that we could do some initial testing. Do blood work for me, an ultrasound to check out my lady parts, and a count of Taylor’s swimmers.
Two weeks later we found out we had a 1 in 200,000 chance to conceive naturally. To put that in perspective, you have a 1 in 12,000 chance of getting struck by lightning in your lifetime. Learning this is also an experience I plan on sharing on this blog, but needless to say we were devastated. It has been five months and we are just now ready to move forward and explore our options.
One in eight couples will battle infertility. One in eight. There are 160 people on the plane I am sitting on as I write this. That means that 20 people on this plane will face the same battle that we are. How many people have I known in my life that have been affected by infertility? How can I talk to friends and family about a situation that we don’t even know how to talk to one another about? People don’t talk about infertility. I am very fortunate to have an online support group, but what about people who don’t have that? What did couples do for support before we ever had the option of the internet?
Taylor and I wish to share our journey. We will be using this blog to share the nitty gritty details. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. But if it has the chance of helping just one other person, it is worth it.